Do you think you worry a lot? What kinds of things do you worry about? I could probably make a fairly good guess that you worry about most things, and these things often feel catastrophic…

Thoughts like ‘What if this plane misses the runway on landing?’ Or ‘What if I get fired from my job because I made a mistake? How will I pay my bills?’. Or ‘What if that pain in my leg is something really serious and I die?’. Do you notice anything in particular about those thoughts? They are mostly ‘what if’ questions – and what usually follows is a host of run-on questions that serve to ramp up your anxiety and stress levels.

Whilst worrying is a natural part of being human – it’s our brain keeping us safe from potential threats – it can be so exhausting to live in an almost permanent state of worry. Excessive worry takes a mental and physical toll on our bodies and minds. We feel anxious, stressed and overwhelmed. When worry interferes with your daily life, it’s often time to start to do something about it. In this blog, we’ll explore why we worry and tips what we can do about it.

Why do we worry so much?

1. Evolution
   Most of the thoughts and feelings caused by excessive worry are negative, and often we imagine the worst-case scenario. But most of the time, these future worries don’t come true or happen the way we imagined they would. So why do we worry, then? Some of it is because our brains developed that way. Our ancestors had to constantly be on the lookout for potential dangers in their environment, such as predators. The ones who were more cautious and worried were more likely to survive.
2. You have a natural alarm system that alerts you to danger
   The amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions, including fear and anxiety. When we experience something stressful, the amygdala sends signals to the hypothalamus, which activates the ‘fight or flight’ response. This response triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol, which can make us feel more anxious and worried. When we find ourselves worrying excessively, we are stuck in the ‘fight or flight’ body response which in turn makes us worry more. Once in it, getting out of this state can be challenging.
3. We learn from what we see around us
   We can often ‘learn’ to worry from our upbringing or environment. If we grew up in a household where our parents were constantly anxious and worried, we may internalise those patterns of thinking and behaviour as the ‘correct’ ones and then replicate them throughout our lives.
4. To show others we care
   It might seem strange, but we can often use worry as a positive way of valuing ourselves – if we worry about people we love and care about it shows we are a kind, sensitive and loving person. This means we can confuse worrying with being a ‘good’ person, and therefore we have to constantly show worry in order to maintain how we think and feel about ourselves.

Ok, so we know why we might worry, but what can you do about it?

How to stop worrying so much

1. Belief that you can control how much you worry
   The starting point to stopping excessive worrying is to believe that things can change. You have within you the power to break the cycle of constant worrying. Increasing your awareness of what it feels like when you worry, and using techniques like mindfulness to interrupt your automatic body responses that contribute to that worry will help you gain control.
2. Mindfulness and meditation
   Mindfulness is a practice that involves focusing on the present moment without judgement, helping you to stay grounded and reduce anxiety. When you notice yourself worrying, sit quietly and ground your feet to the floor. Focus on your breath – breath in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 7, release for a count of 8 – do this several times. This 4,7,8 breathing exercise will activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which relaxes your body (and mind) after feelings of stress or danger. This activation will help you feel calmer and more in control, and able to think more clearly.
3. Schedule in ‘worry time’
   It may feel like adding fuel to the fire to schedule in worry time, but research has shown that creating specific time in your day to worry can help reduce excessive worrying. Think about just 20 minutes in your day when you can put aside time to do nothing but worry. When you find yourself worrying outside of this time, you can set those thoughts aside and put them on the agenda for your scheduled worry time. Scheduling your worrying time helps you to break free from frequent worrying that you experience throughout the day, and can also help you to check if you are still worried about something even after you postponed thinking about it. You may find the worry doesn’t seem as great.
4. Writing down your thoughts and feelings in real time
   Logging each worrying thought or feeling that comes into your mind can help you have a more balanced perspective once they are on paper. If the idea of this feels overwhelming, you can commit to writing down your worries for a few days, or weeks, to start off with. Make sure you are writing down your thoughts as they come to you – this list will serve you later as a reflection of where your thoughts went and whether the worst-case outcomes still feel true. You can also use your list as a check to see whether worrying about something has helped you.
5. Seek help from someone trained to support you
   If your worrying has reached levels that are impacting your daily life, it could be time to speak to a professional who is trained to support you, such as a counsellor. A counsellor will work with you to help you to identify coping strategies to manage your thoughts, and support you to reduce the stress and anxiety that excessive worrying causes. If it feels like a big step to contact a counsellor, dispelling some of the myths about counselling might make you feel more at ease. You can contact me here for a free initial conversation.